Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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