Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
