she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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