She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
