Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
