I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
