he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
