Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
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