Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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