Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
