Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I am one with the molecules
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
