hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
