it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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