You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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