you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
