I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
