i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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