I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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