If that was your dad, he is hot
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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