it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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