someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
