member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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