why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
