Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
