I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
