There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
