i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
