Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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