so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
