Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
