I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
