I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
