Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
