Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
