tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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