Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
