he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
