put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He passed out mid-signature
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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