dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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