it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
