I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
