i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
