Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
