it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
