how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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