ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
