Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
