How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
