I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Boobs are out for the taking
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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