she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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