I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
