remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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